Show newer

New MLB rules going into effect this season, in the name of encouraging Good Sportsmanship between teams. Before each game opposing managers will meet for coffee or tea, and small sandwiches to discuss the events of the day. Starting Pitchers will give each other gentle butterfly kisses between every half inning. After every foul ball the catcher is required to tell the batter, "Attaboy." The winning team will buy the losing team ice cream cones after the game.

"Young man! The date, please!"
"Why, sir! It's the 20th of April!"
"I haven't missed it! The spirits did it all in one night! Ford's Truck Month! I still have time to get a great deal on a Ford F-150 Lariat!"

Jeff Rosenstock Surprise Releases SKA DREAM—a Ska Rework of His Album NO DREAM

Spotify's Discover Weekly playlist has completely given up trying to give me new music and instead has given me 30 classic Ska-Punk tracks from the 90s.
I'm not mad about it, but I legit didn't think this was a thing that could happen.
I really think I've just broken their suggestion algorithm.

Also, the animal I thought was a beaver is a muskrat, and there are two of them and they do not care for the ducks.

Show thread

Filling the bathtub, opening the basement door, and quacking, in what I hope is an enticing manner.

Show thread

If it's snowing outside in April, can I invite the two ducks in the pond to spend the night indoors?

Announcing Meme It So! It's a Star Trek The Next Generation Meme and GIF Generator, inspired by Frinkiac.

It has every line of dialogue spoken on STTNG tied to screencaptures. Which makes it good for looking up lines as well.

My takeaway from watching my very first baseball game is that baseball players all have bad beards.

My baseball commentary so far:
- he looks like a TikTok fuck boy
- he has weird ears
- why is everyone out of breath, they're just standing around
- everyone has bad beards
- that one has luscious hair

Follow Up Question:
How do I get work to just let me watch baseball when day games are on, and why do day games exist in the first place?

Show thread

Quick Question: How do you deal with the constant, nagging awareness that your life is finite and slowly trickling away, and that by the time you finally get the things you want, and accomplish the things you want to do, you'll only be able to enjoy them for a little while, if at all, before you die? And let's say, for fun, that you don't believe in an afterlife, and that this is it. How do you deal with that constant pressure to *live* now, and am I wasting time watching so much baseball?

Good news, folks!
You can shoot as many cops as you want as long as you also have a taser with you.

Me: I don't understand your joke.
Justin: I know, that's why it's funny.
Me: 😐 That's not how jokes work...

@PostMasterGeneral head down, ass up, that's the way we like to duck

Show older
The Snake Post Office

The social network of the future: No ads, no corporate surveillance, ethical design, and decentralization! Own your data with Mastodon!